he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
