yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
