Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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