God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
