U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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