Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
