I'm jealous of your bromance
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
