as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
