You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
