I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When did angry sex become our thing?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
