Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
