That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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