Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
The air taste purple.
Randomize
