Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize