remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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