He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
