I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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