do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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