did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
