she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
