My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
