would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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