I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
