the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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