We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
