he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
