i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
