do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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