I CAN MOONWALK!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I need moral support for this bender
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
