He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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