Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
