The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
