Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
