Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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