Umm I'm too high to move.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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