we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
