YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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