uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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