why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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