this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The adults are the big ones right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
