Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
