she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
