the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
