Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
