i may or may not be watching the land before time
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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