What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
