Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
