I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
