That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
