Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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