Already got asked if we're dating
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
