his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
