Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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