The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
