I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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