i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
