I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
