I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
