Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
