I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
