I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
